It’s A Zombie Haiku Christmas


It’s A Zombie Haiku Christmas, by Ryan Mecum

Once on Christmas eve,
with one infected fruitcake
the world fell apart.

When the plague arrived
not one place on Earth was safe
even the North Pole.

The sweet Christmas elves
ate from that infected cake
and lost their sweetness.

Zombie Christmas elves
surround Santa’s North Pole home
moaning for his brains.

Santa’s nine reindeer,
the only means of escape,
scream while ripped open.

One choking zombie
has Rudolf’s blinking red nose
glowing through his throat.

As the elves broke through,
they found the back door open,
their meals escaping.

Zombie Christmas elves
chase Santa and Mrs. Claus
under northern lights.

Mrs. Claus falls first
as zombie elves pile up
for their Christmas gift.

Santa turns and looks
as dozens of small zombies
devour his wife.

The ice around her
snaps, breaks, and the pile slides
into the cold sea.

The rest of the elves
who did not fall in the sea
turn to their master.

Zombie elves move slow
but so does a fat Santa
dashing through the snow.

Santa’s one defense,
“Any elves who bit my wife
make the naughty list!”

As Santa slows down,
zombie elves overtake him
for their Christmas meal.

Santa screams in pain
as his bowl full of jelly
rips onto the ice.

He spoke not a word
as he drifted out of sight.
Santa is dead. Good night.

Zombie Mrs. Claus,
trapped under the frozen sea,
waits for the spring thaw.

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