It’s Valentines Day, and we’re sure you want to plan your perfect evening with your significant other. But if you guys have had enough of cuddly bears, bunches of red roses, and expensive dinners – we have an alternative evening planned out for you. Read on for our advice.
We presume you want to get the day off to a romantic start, and that should begin with making your partner breakfast in bed. You’ll want to start with a nice cup of tea using this teapot, which you can find at AdamMichaelChavez’s store –
After wrestling with the teapot, you’ll want to take the tea to your other half in a mug that says ‘I love you’, and perhaps ‘We Belong Dead’ Luckily for you, such a thing is available from LennyMud
You might also want to surprise them with some suitably spooky cereal, perhaps something from the General Mills Monster line.
You’ll be showering the love of your life with gifts later, but you’ll want to present them with something alongside their tea. How about this slightly gruesome anatomical heart necklance?
A nice box of chocolates is a staple, but we love these giant chocolate skulls from chocolateskulls.com
For any gentlemen readers looking to impress their wife/girlfriend, you might also want to consider something fragrant. We’ve got it covered, with these slightly alarming doll arm soaps from Perpetual Kid.
A Romantic Afternoon
After breakfast, you will want to take your partner on a suitably spooky afternoon out. We would recommend an abandoned theme park for this venture. There’s something incredibly macabre about a place once filled with joy rotting and crumbling away, and luckily there are many of these locations around the world – so hopefully you should find one fairly close to you. For our US readers theres –
Six Flags theme park, New Orleans
Our Japanese readers have –
The Ukraine has the infamous
Head over here full list of the world’s abandoned theme parks, and see if there’s on near you for your perfect Valentine’s afternoon.
After your adventures in the theme park, you will both probably be ready for a drink. You could simply take your partner to a local pub, but you want to dazzle them with your creativity, right? So you’re going to make them some colourful, horror inspired cocktails. We recommend starting with the ‘Bloody Brain Shooter’.
1 1/4 oz. strawberry vodka
1/8 oz. Rose’s lime juice
3/4 oz. Bailey’s Irish Cream
Splash of grenadine
Chill vodka for better smoothness. Add vodka and lime juice to a shaker, shake and strain into a shot glass. Using a straw, dip some Bailey’s Irish Cream into the shot. Once you submerge the straw into the Bailey’s put your finger on top of the straw to hold the Bailey’s in the straw. Dip the straw tip into the vodka and slowly release your top finger. The Bailey’s will curdle a little bit due to the lime juice and you should be able to make strands of Bailey’s. Repeat the straw/Bailey’s process to build a “brain” in the shot glass. Add a splash of grenadine to the concoction to add the ‘blood’ to the mix. Shoot it down your throat like a bloody-brain-bullet.
You might then want to offer your significant other a ‘Skeleton in your Closet’
1 1/2 part(s) Hornitos Plata Tequila
1 part(s) DeKuyper Island Blue Pucker
1 part(s) Mango Juice
1 part(s) Pineapple Juice
Shake over ice until well blended and strain over ice in a salted margarita glass. Be careful what you reveal.
Before you get too drunk, you’ll need to start preparing the dinner. Since it’s Valentines day, and you’re pulling out all the stops, you are going to be making a delicious three course meal. To start, you’re going to have a twist on crackers and cheese, with the ‘Great White Cheese Pumpkin’
2 (10-oz.) blocks extra-sharp white Cheddar cheese, shredded
1 (8-oz.) package cream cheese, softened
2 (4-oz.) goat cheese logs, softened
1/2 teaspoon pepper
Braided pretzel, muscadine vine and leaf
Crackers and assorted vegetables
Stir together first 4 ingredients. Shape mixture into a ball to resemble a pumpkin. Smooth pumpkin’s entire surface with metal spatula or table knife. Make vertical grooves in ball, if desired, using fingertips. Press pretzel into top of cheese ball to resemble a pumpkin stem; place muscadine vine and leaf beside pretzel. Serve with crackers and assorted vegetables.
You are now going to turn your attention to the main course. And what main course is complete without paying tribute to Carpenters Halloween?
2 cups cooked brown or white rice
4 large orange bell peppers with stems intact
1 pound lean ground beef
1/2 diced onion
1 – 15 oz can tomato sauce
garlic powder, salt, and pepper to taste
Cut the top inch off the peppers and clean the insides, saving the tops for later.
Using a small paring knife, fashion eyes and mouth on the widest, flattest side of each pepper.
Place the empty peppers in a baking dish.
Mix ground beef, tomato sauce, onion, cooked rice, garlic powder, salt and pepper in a medium bowl.
Spoon the meat mixture into each pepper, then replace the tops, using toothpicks to hold them in place.
Bake for one hour at 350 degrees or until meat is cooked through.
(Substitute green peppers for a zombie experience, if you’re partner is more of a Romero fan)
Alongside your peppers, you will be preparing a Goblin Dip with bone crackers
1 (16-ounce) can chili without beans $
1 (16-ounce) can refried beans
1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese $
1 (8-ounce) jar chunky pico de gallo
1 (4.5-ounce) can chopped green chiles, undrained
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
Toppings: shredded Cheddar or Monterey Jack cheese with peppers, chopped black olives, sliced green onions
Cook first 6 ingredients in a heavy saucepan over low heat, stirring often, 15 minutes or until cream cheese is melted. Sprinkle with desired toppings
For the crackers –
2 (13.5-ounce) packages 9-inch flour tortillas $
1/2 cup butter or margarine, melted $
1/4 teaspoon garlic salt
Cut tortillas with a 3 1/2-inch bone-shaped cutter, and place on baking sheets. Stir together butter and garlic salt; brush mixture on tortillas.Bake at 250° for 30 minutes or until crisp.
For desert, you’ll be preparing blood clot biscuits described by Oh Bite It
Find the full recipe for these grizzly treats here
Gifts (part two)
Because you are such a romantic, you’ll have more gifts ready to present to your partner as they lick the last of the blood clots from their fingers. As we all know, the most important thing in a relationship is ensuring that your partner is prepared for the zombie apocalypse, so you’ll want to purchase a Zombie Shooting Gallery for them.
Now is the main gift. You want your partner to be comfortable, and what’s better than a Coffin Couch? These can be customised to suit your partner’s favourite colours and materials too.
So you have settled down on your new coffin couch, and it’s time to draw the curtains and watch a romantic movie. Before you begin, you’ll want to offer your partner a glass of wine. Luckily Adrienne King, the final girl from Friday the 13th, has launched a range of Crystal Lake wines.
Wine sorted, we have a couple of horror films in mind for your romantic evening.
The horror romance between Nurse Alex Price and wounded David Kessler is as doomed as relationships go. Marvel at how perfect your own relationship is if neither of you have ever woken up naked at the zoo or killed the audience in a porn cinema (but if you have, we’re not judging)
My Bloody Valentine (1981), a true horror B movie that is a teen slasher movie at heart but separates itself from Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween and Friday the 13th. Harry Warden is a miner dealing tough love as he swings his pickaxe into the hearts. Definitely a must see horror movie for any occasion and especially on Valentine’s Day.
Of course, you’ll need some zombie popcorn to nibble on during the movies. Grab the recipe here.
As you retire to bed, the romance doesn’t have to stop. Ahead of time, you will have replaced your usual bedding with these awesome zombie bedsheets from GhoticDesign.